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The New Normal

Considering all that, I question why so many in the new generations are diverging from this path. It seems that many now view marriage as nothing more than a formal contract between two individuals. Younger generations are increasingly questioning the institution of marriage. This shift can be attributed to evolving societal norms and expectations

The emphasis has shifted from the traditional courtship process to immediate gratification, prioritizing physical attraction over emotional depth. Consequently, many young adults are prioritizing personal fulfillment and independence over marriage and family.

While individualism has its merits, finding a balance between personal aspirations and the enduring values of commitment is essential for navigating the complexities of modern relationships.

Relations compared to commitment

Some might argue that being married and being in a committed relationship are essentially the same. However, I disagree. Without the formal bond of marriage, there are no guarantees, no legal or emotional strings keeping either person from walking away.

Even within marriage, there’s nothing physically stopping someone from leaving if they choose to. However, the vows made can act as a powerful motivator to work through challenges rather than break up a family. A commitment to work things out, based on the vows taken, often encourages individuals to resolve issues and maintain their relationship.

Recently, I saw an Instagram post of a young couple celebrating a gender reveal for their second child. Scrolling through the comments, I noticed mixed reactions. While many expressed happiness for the couple, a recurring question arose about their marital status. The decision to have multiple children without formalizing their relationship puzzled many observers.

I understand the curiosity, especially since this isn’t their first child. They’ve been here before, yet the lack of commitment seems just as acceptable now as it was at the start of their relationship.

Is this a new way of avoiding marriage? Are we increasingly choosing to stay someone’s “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” rather than becoming their spouse? At what point do we distinguish between being in a committed relationship and making a lifelong commitment?

Setting Boundaries

It’s easy to assume the dynamics of a relationship, especially when it appears perfect from the outside. While many point fingers at the man when a proposal doesn’t happen, it’s essential to remember that both parties play a role in a relationship’s success or failure.

Women can also contribute to relationship challenges, often due to past hurts or fears of commitment. It’s a complex issue without easy answers. This particular couple, may be influenced by societal expectations of marriage.

Leaving the impression that an ideal husband has to have everything together before they commit: Money, status, house, car, and the like. This can create unrealistic standards. Ultimately, building a strong and lasting relationship requires open communication, mutual respect, and a shared vision for the future.

This is a conversation that needs to happen before committing to someone in a way that feels irreversible. We’ve overlooked the importance of boundaries in dating, letting the “new norm” shape our choices more than our own values.

Lack of self respect

I once heard someone say, “You wouldn’t buy a car without test-driving it first.” Sure, you might take it for a spin, but will it stand the test of time? Did you check its history and get the Car fax report? Little did you know, that car was a salvaged vehicle, and now you’re stuck constantly refueling it just to keep it going—all because you followed what society deemed acceptable.

This metaphor mirrors a broader issue: we’ve allowed societal norms to dictate our relationships, often at the cost of thoughtful decision-making. Setting clear boundaries is crucial if we want to avoid ending up with something—or someone—that doesn’t truly align with our long-term goals.

This lack of guidance might be why they haven’t committed to marriage yet. One of them may desire a committed relationship, while the other remains uncertain or hesitant. This leaves a new generation questioning: Is marriage necessary? And if it is, why doesn’t the marriage take place?

Your whole life

There’s a popular belief that “you have the rest of your life” to get married, so you should “enjoy” yourself first. I’ve heard this before, especially when a family member was about to walk down the aisle.

But the truth is, no one knows how much time they have. Many people delay marriage, assuming they have all the time in the world, only to realize they’re missing out on the true depth and commitment that marriage offers.

We’ve embraced the idea of marriage without the legal commitment, playing house while raising children in potentially unstable environments. Some might argue they know couples who have had great success without the legalities of marriage.

But this leads back to my original question: Why does the marriage not take place? Why can’t either party commit to this union? Is it a sign of our inability to embrace maturity? This mindset has to stem from a lack of maturity. Or lack of examples of a unified husband and wife.

True Commitment

What does a real marriage look like? The Bible offers clear guidance on how a husband and wife should treat each other. Ephesians 5:25 tells us that a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. I’ve come to understand that this might be more difficult for men to achieve than it is for a wife to submit.

Loving a wife to the high standard set by God requires a great deal of self-sacrifice. One thing I’ve noticed about our generation is that we’re not particularly eager to sacrifice, especially when it comes to our time. We all recognize that time is precious, and we’re reluctant to spend it on things that don’t align with our immediate desires.

Husbands loving their wives to that degree means putting aside personal preferences, being present even when it’s inconvenient, and prioritizing the relationship above all else. It’s a commitment that goes beyond words, requiring action and dedication.

True Submission

As for the wife, I believe submission should feel natural. While the word “submit” is often misunderstood as a sign of weakness, it actually takes incredible strength. In Ephesians 5:21, the same chapter that addresses marriage, we are all instructed to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Submission should be easy when it involves loving, respecting, honoring, and cherishing someone who is truly loving you as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. It’s not about power dynamics; it’s about mutual respect and love.

God has set an order in place for a reason. A healthy marriage isn’t about authority or hierarchy, but about partnership. A husband and wife should be best friends, able to come together, communicate openly, and respect each other deeply. This mutual respect and love create the foundation for a strong, lasting relationship.

Forget the new normal

As I wrap up, I want to be clear: young women and men are not defined solely by their physical appearance. My goal is to encourage deeper reflection on what truly matters in relationships and commitment.

I’m not claiming to have all the answers, and I know that marriage isn’t easy. But I’ve learned that when a husband and a wife are committed and willing to put in the effort, marriage can bring incredible benefits—spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

We need to start setting clear boundaries and not be afraid to challenge the new normal. If someone isn’t willing to wait and get to know you on a deeper level, they’re probably not the right person for you.

Please take this advice with love, from someone who has seen the hurt and damage that can come from not setting boundaries. Thank you for reading; your support means the world to me. Join me on the podcast, where I’ll explore this topic further.